The Talent Show challenge response
by Dillon
Summary: Because I was half asleep and bored and mildly inebriated, I rewrote my response to my Bad Fic challenge. Contains random movie and game references, oddness, references to 70's songs and a poem I wrote one time. Terminally stupid and intentionally bad. Re


Title: The talent show

Author: Me

Warnings: What's that?

Disclaimers: I don't own anything except a can of Spam with cheese. Please don't spew.

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"Gee willikers, Yugi!" Joey cried, pointing at a flier for the school Talent Show "Look, a talent show! Do you have anything planned to do?"

Yugi replied, "Yes! Even though I just now found out about it, Tea and I had planned to do Duel Monsters the Musical! Tea will be Magician of Fate, and I will be Dark Magician, and Tristan will be a sheep!"

Oh, said Joey, crestfallen. "Cool, Yugi. But now what will I do? Duel Monster the musical is a 3-person play"

Yugi began to respond, but was randomly glomped by a conveniently placed Plot Hole who cried "Dominique!" Yugi sighed. "Sion, this is the third time this week. I'm still not Dominique."

"Ha, puppy has nobody to follow this time. I wonder what he will do" Seto mused. Then he fell over, for no apparent reason.

"Bwahaha" said Bakura, who just happened to be passing by.

"I will do an act with you! Said Mary Sue, who suddenly appeared out of Hammerspace or something.

"Um, no. I had plans." said Bakura. "Besides, if you did that, who would dance with Mr. Turtle?" He pulled a small, happy-looking clockwork turtle out of his ass, wound it up, and set it on a table. It started dancing in its sideways clockwork manner. Mary Sue danced along. Bakura laughed in a way that may safely be described as maniacal, and stopped abruptly to shout at a passing classmate "You! Lackey! Bring me that turtle when she's done! I have other things to torture!" He wandered off, muttering about marmalade.

Joey was still standing looking at the poster, but somehow it was suddenly lunchtime and nobody noticed he'd missed his classes. Probably because they were in the Matrix or something, who cares? Suddenly he was accosted by something squishy that said "Oof" and fell at his feet. It cried out in a half-asleep crying out voice "Whups. Fell over" Joey looked down "Hey Yug. Walking in your sleep again?" "Yeah. I do that sometimes." "Wanna go get lunch?" ok"

"Standing there continually looking at the salad bar will not make something you like magically appear, mutt," grumbled Kaiba, who had been standing behind Joey for about 15 minutes. Not that that was a bad place to be, no matter how unlikely it was. Joey had a decent ass. I did not just think that, thought Kaiba. Bad monkey. Hey, maybe they have pie today. Joey moved, and Seto looked to the desserts. Drat, green jello.

Joey finally reached his table, and sat next to Yugi

" Hey Yugi, I think Seto has repressed desires for me hinging on a deep-seated need for an understanding companion which are subconsciously hidden and even perverted due to his underlying control issues and the fact that our current society does not accept romantic feelings between two people of the same gender and hey a peanut butter cookie, are you going to eat that?"

Yugi replied "Yeah, Seto's repressed, when did you figure that one out? He does have a hot ass, though. Yes, you can have my cookie"

Meanwhile, Mary Sue was still dancing, and Bakura was gathering root vegetables

As they left the cafeteria, Tea was suddenly attacked by a flying red blur, which cried "Dominique!" Tea sighed. "Sion, I'm still not Dominique. Could you maybe go pester Malik?" (Somewhere, Malik's 'Tea is talking about you' alarm went off, and he 'Eeep!'ed in fear) Sion looked up with a sad pout and walked off, jewelry jingling sadly. Tea sighed "Ok, just this once. After all, friends are important, and sometimes random nonconsensual hugs are important to a friendship, and … At this point, everyone simply tuned Tea out, going about their business. Joey took a face from the ancient gallery, and walked on down the hall. He came to the room where his sister lived. "Serenity? I got that face you wanted." "Thank you, set it on the desk. Dad came to visit" "Father?" "Yes son?" "I Want to kill you" "Oh, ok, maybe later?" "Ok, cool" Serenity counted herself lucky that the school allowed her to live in the dorms; her family would drive her insane.

Joey left the room, and walked on down the hall

He came to a door

And he looked inside

And he saw Tristan in a towel.

Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Tristan in a towel, Joey regained his composure and said "Tristan, may I borrow your hairbrush?" 

Tristan removed his hairbrush from where it had been, and offered it forward with a raised eyebrow.

Joey blushed, and clasped his hands behind his back. "On second thought, I'll ask Mary for hers"

Joey exited the scene.

Duke Devlin returned his towel to its previous position, and looked askance at Tristan

"Why would he care that it was in your shoe?"

"Don't know" replied Tristan. Then he grabbed Duke in a fierce kiss, knocking the carefully arranged towels off the bench in the process.

Seto wandered the halls until he was unexpectedly knocked unconscious by a flying root vegetable.

Somewhere in the fields, Malik asked Bakura "Are you sure you're supposed to learn this game by launching turnips through windows?"

"Yes. That's how all the big league players do it. I hear Tiger Woods uses a rutabaga. Wanna try it?"

Seto was in an odd place. Pink. Puffy. There was a cactus in a dress. 

"Hello" said the cactus

An odd thought occurred to Seto. The cactus, it looked like a girl, but talked like a guy. Maybe it was gay. Could cacti be gay?

"Um, where am I?"

"Not where you should be. Follow the snail until you see the singing kippers. Turn right onto skulking lane, down the steps. Granny Gophers Antique Donut emporium. Greet Handsome Andrew, the spider in the window. Tell him Lola sent you. When the bat opens the panel behind the upside-down calendar, go through whistling Daisy Bell. Kiss the girl. Or boy. It'll taste just like Cherry Cola. Now go, quick."

Seto wondered where he lost his mind. Then he saw it, walking beside the snail.

Joey was depressed. He'd finally decided to talk to Seto and couldn't find him. All he'd found was a rutabaga. He named it Spalding, and they watched Mary Sue dance together. He sighed.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms latch onto him from behind.

"Sion, I'm still not Dominique"

"I'm not Sion"

Joey turned to face his cling-on, only to be confronted with a pool of the deepest blue he'd ever seen. Until it was replaced by a moist patch of red.

"Seto, try again. About 6 inches south"

"Sorry"

Their lips finally met in an earth-shaking kiss, which caused them both to go tumbling head over heels into a wall. Somewhere, Malik missed and hit Bakura in the ankle. Sion flew down a hall, knocking Mary Sue into an odd position under the table, and several hapless sporks fell to the floor.

"Lets not do that again"

"Agreed"

They watched with interest as Sion and Mary Sue skipped off, probably to make some odd and myopic babies.

"Hey, Seto?"

"Yes?"

Joey gazed deep into Seto's eyes, and his heart skipped a beat.

"Um, wanna be my partner for the Talent Show?"

"I guess so. But no turtle dance"

End

Meanwhile, back with Bakura…

"Um, Bakura? I think a cantaloupe's a melon"

"Shut up you. It's a root vegetable if I say it is. Now launch it at Tea"


End file.
